I read an interesting article this early AM talking about “How to Change a Mind” from a book that is coming out “Stop Being Reasonable - How We Really Change Our Minds.” I think there is a lot of gleam from an exploration like this. One challenge we face today is how to influence behaviors and patterns of thoughts rather than just conflict with them. We all know of the Dunning–Kruger effect or how we tend towards the Sunk Cost Fallacy or when faced with contradicting information we may even become more affirmed in our beliefs (Confirmation Bias). This is the brain at work, our circuits and wave patterns making sense of the world and while we try to stand behind logic, there’s a breaking point in which emotions or even more subtly, neurophysiologically, our biology takes over and logic is thrown out the window.
I’ve always been a huge proponent of understanding the mind and body, not in an effort to change, but in understanding, fundamentally, you might be able to stand above it all and at least play witness to the interactions taking place. Eckhart Tolle describes being a conscious observer of your emotions, you don’t fight them, after all it’s being human to experience such things, but to stand and witness it so that it doesn’t control you, it just, is you in this moment. We talked about that, the other night, how if we’re mad, give us 30 minutes and we won’t be, in that time we’re not ourselves, our minds aren’t working the way they are, so we need X to get back to a stable place. In that I think there is understanding, in that there is power to take action to ensure you’re not who you are in those moments, instead you’re in control of the outcome, even if it just takes a bit of time.
I bring this up first, because it’s natural to be these ways, I’m sure that book will offer countless examples of people when viewed from the outside looking in, seem crazy, seem like this is so easy if they would just do X. We do that as people, we do it a lot, and our inner voice, our ego does it too us too. It is hard on us like we are hard on others sometimes, because of expectation. You are not unique in your feelings or your understandings or your relationship with this experience. The circumstances are, but you’re not alone. It’s nothing easy to overcome, because if it was, I’m sure there wouldn’t be any reason to exist in this way. Kind of like how you may have arrived at some of the philosophical quandaries of thinkers long since past, I stumbled on the cave allegory long before I knew of plato, or of Descartes “I think therefore I am.” Only to read years later this thought has been in the minds of humankind for centuries (if not for all of time).
The point here is, take it easy on yourself. Take it as a challenge to understand yourself better, develop a more meaningful relationship with who you are and what you demand others see you as. Not in demanding by verbally articulating it, but demanding it by your presence, your thoughts, your interactions, by in essence, who you are. Character is what you do when nobody is watching, I think there’s a lot to that, and in you I can see so very much of that at your core, what you care about, your sensitive nature to those around you, the issues you have concern over. It’s a sensitive soul in a world not built to nurture it and in that case we need to be sure to take care of ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and live for ourselves. You are something special, even in the existing moments, your jumping when you see violence, your engagement with global issues, your respect for relationships, and your nurturing nature for those who are in need. These are fundamental character traits, not flaws, you are powerful in them, and no one should ever speak ill of you, those are people who are not worth a second thought, those are people you’re striving to build a greater future for, but you cannot be in the pit with them, you’ve got to find a way to rise above.
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