“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.” ― Confucius
While it may seem silly to think about things this way, I’m sure you can see that while it’s describing something in different terms, it’s the same in that when you reach that detachment, or reach the realization, that’s where you can truly be in the life you have.
And boy! What a world that will be.
I know you wonder a lot about what is it that makes people a certain way, or how do you interface with the world in the way you want to; I’m not sure you’re not. I think it’s more a way of existence where there is this amorphous personality, non committal, who desires to not veer to far in any direction, because being in indecision is a comfortable place, there is nothing to stand for, no one to be, no expectations, no desires, no results (bear with me here, not saying you are, just exploring the position).
However, your frustrations, are indicative that you are pushing outside of that in many ways on many fronts, and that can be a difficult journey, especially with someone who wants to please everyone, not hurt anyone or anything.
I liken it to this analogy: when you come to a fork in the road, to continue forward you must make a choice on which path of the fork you take, once you make that choice, that path is no longer accessible to you. However where the path leads may be, just not that path, you didn’t take.
You can’t sit and wait to make sure all the paths are in front of you, or that you take a few steps on one, then a few steps back to go a few steps on the other one. That’s not how a journey works (at least in this analogy). And eventually, the paths become so far apart, you can’t simply cross over to the other (which you might be able to do early on).
It’s a challenge, when you don’t know what you want (in many ways, not just a singular way, remember there are many paths for many different things in your life, so it’s not just one you’re making the choice on at any given time). And more so when you need all the information, to make a choice.
I say all this not for judgement, I can be completely wrong on this applying to you, but as an exploration or reference point. I used to get upset with the doors as they closed behind me (another analogy vs the path, but I like the path one better in this context), however over time I considered what I referenced above, just because you didn’t take one path, doesn’t mean you won’t end up where it led. That is the important part about those choices in our lives, we may not be able to see it, but there might just be a lot of circular patterns that occur on a longer term trend, however we can’t see that far into the future.
I really am a firm believer in putting out into the universe (even simple articulation, we know how powerful the words we say to ourselves can be) is a first step for it to come true. I was fortunate in that I wrote a 20 year plan and shared it with some key people, who then shared it with others. Looking back without that, how would anyone know what I wanted to do, or how I might go about it? Again though having that and sharing it with Gordy put that plan into motion. And with the right people around or understanding, things can be set in motion.
When leading a team, the leader has to have a “map”, this map should show a destination and a bit of how that trek might work, however the leader and the team should know that while this current map is representative of the current landscape and current destination, as new information, time and challenges occur, this map will be redrawn and things will change. While there can be fear in this, it’s the structure around it which is important. The understanding of what it means and what it doesn’t mean. You don’t have to be singular focused, you don’t have to have all the right answers, you don’t have to be afraid of change; you just have to know how it all fits together so that you can adjust and make sure you keep the team aligned.
This has a nice parallel to day to day living. Who knows what our next 5 years looks like, who knows the next 10, what about 50? There’s one thing to know at the very least, change will happen, it’s either you enacting the change, or life enacting it for you. How are you prepared to handle it, how do you deal with it, how do you structure your life around that fundamental truth? What is your map, what are your guiding principles and what do you have in your arsenal to deal with that which is unknown?
Ok by no means is right, or wrong or anything special, this is one way to look at things. Something to consider.
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